Posted by feihaley in feihaley
Once again, I have found myself some relief by putting all of my thoughtS into words. No, it's not a typographical error. You're reading it just right. It's with the capital S, because I really have a lot going on inside my head right now, and they're fighting to break free, which is currently giving me a headache and making my head feel like its going to explode. *insert exaggeration*
I guess some people of my age have had that feeling when they're unsure where they're life is headed towards. When they feel like they're not in the right track. When they feel like they're missing something in they're life. When they're unsure about theirselves or their abilities. When they feel envious seeing their friends and the people around them make sense of their lives or achieve something to be really proud of. When at one point or another, they ask themselves "Where am I now? Why can't I be like them?" Well, hello mates. Welcome to the club.
Smelling self-pity in the air? Hmm, not so much. Yeah, I know we have different expectations and goals in life, but have you not wondered about these things, one way or another? They say when you reach the age of 40, they call it midlife crisis. And in my case? It's called "quarter life crisis", thanks to Wikipedia. It's when you have those professional, emotional and financial insecurities during your early twenties to late thirties. It might be so, that I'm suffering from that, or this may also be a byproduct of being a bum for a month now, or I'm just being plain stupid and worrying too much. My friends keep telling me that I should not give up, and that it will come when it's meant for me. They always seem to be so sure that I am good at what I do and so I don't have to beat myself up, especially if I know for myself that I have done my best efforts. (By the way, thank you for those true friends who never fail to cheer me up and reassure me in times like these, you know who you are.) Honestly speaking, I'm being positive as much as I can. I keep telling myself these things. That everything will be okay in the end. That I will do something great and be really proud of it. That I will make something of myself in the future, but of course it does not happen without great effort and sacrifices. Just like the title of this post, its a matter of chances and choices. And it so happen that as of the moment, I got an earwax jelly. (Can't think of anything more gross than that jellybean that my stomach can take) So, will it really be okay in the end? No one knows for sure. We hold no more than what we have today. Tomorrow is another story. (I hope a get a blueberry jellybean next time!)
And so with that, I shall end this post with a quote from Barney Stinson of "How I Met Your Mother"
"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead!"
'Nuff said. :)